Good morning to all. I have written about the mind and where it travels to for both writer and reader. I mentioned a few things that might cause us to wander inside our mind. Many years ago I had a blog that I wrote in nearly every day. I remember enjoying writing about "things I knew about." That was the name I gave to my blog site. I think it is important to know deeply what it is you write about. Somewhere along the journey, life happened, as it often does.
This morning, something I know about is being bipolar. Considered a mental disorder by many, I sometimes wonder if it might be better named simply, a different way of thinking. Bipolar absolutely splits the mind in half. There is a side that wants to be free and run wild through life without ever looking back. The other "guy/gal would rather stay hidden, only showing itself when it is needed. Walking through this world, crazy, insane as it is, often overwhelms the bipolar mind. Thoughts that come at you so fast and frantic, you struggle to reach out and grab even a single thought to try and fix it. Spinning away, you cling to some piece of reality just to stay somewhat grounded. You fear everything and are afraid of nothing; yes, at the same time. highs cause you to believe with your whole heart, you can conquer the world. You can write that best seller or take on a demon or two that plagues your every day life. When you find your book didn't suddenly explode onto the New York Times list or that there in fact are Goliath's out there waiting to kick your butt, you feel defeated. Your once strong, passionate side suddenly drops into a terrible low. The extreme opposite of the high you had felt, you lose the belief that you can conquer anything. You feel as if nothing you have ever done was a success. The feeling of worthlessness, a failure and undesirable to anyone swallows you until you see no reason to even get out of bed. You won't accomplish anything or enhance anyone's life anyways. motivation is sucked out of you.
What has any of this got to do with my writing? It has Everything to do with writing. To sit in front of my keyboard and type is therapy. it is the one safe place I can open my mind and let it go. Not having a clue as to what will appear on the screen, I just write. My thoughts dance across the screen and bring to life a story. some of the darkest, most real writing comes from the mood I am in. The lows bring to life frightening, abstract words, my characters filled with desire to hurt, hit, strangle, fight and dance with the devil. The highs cause a passion for living and laughing and love making. A strange mix of the two, and yes, sometimes even I am not sure if I am happy or sad, make for a coming together of characters that stir together anger, fear, happiness, a desire to lay someone down and make passionate love to them. The manner in which the sexual scenes unfold has everything to do with where I am inside my head.
Today, I am unsure where I truly am. I want to laugh and sing and smile. I want to write dark and frightening things in my novel. Some characters are willing to tackle the world while others want only peace to happen. writing is so very therapeutic. You, my readers benefit from the way my mind works. You get to see inside of me through my writing. Although i may be killing someone in the book, the reality side is me, killing not a human but, ending the existence of one of my demons, even if only for a little while. Writing as therapy. That is something I Know about.
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